When Life Swallows all Creative Expression. Existing is All We Can Do.

An eloquent and powerful message was shared from a question and answer session from Gigi Young’s member’s section of her website for me (and for many others too) last week. It summed up why I have been personally on the end of some immoral behaviour from people that I have associated with over the last six months and why I’ve been on an emotionally and energetically taxing rollercoaster ride. My ability to focus on my day-to-day living (decorating commercial buildings at present) has kept my focus and intention strong and made me present with whatever emotions come up flowing through my body and mind. I found myself following through after work with this process, looking for ways to focus my intention as to not get overwhelmed by the content of the emotions flowing through me.

I have kept my heart completely open to life since the year began. I haven’t shut it down in the face of great adversity and challenge, and holding the space of peace has been exhausting. This resonance of peacefulness means that those denser emotional emotions, stored as trauma in the body will find a way to be released as the lightness of peacefulness holds the space for them to leave. I’ve experienced the full gamut of emotions reflected at me by other people, and those same emotions flow through me, observing them as they come, my sense of grounded calmness challenged constantly. Only in nature have I found relief from the spool unravelling at ever-increasing speed. Nature has been a balm of stillness, grounding my core on a swell of deep troughs and peaks.

My creative juices (literary) haven’t followed at all in the last four weeks. I’ve come to a complete standstill. No energy to do that which I love, my passion no longer the river that coursed through me during the enforced mass house arrest. It’s as though the exposure to the very forces that were not so deeply apparent dammed up during the four weeks of lockdown here in New Zealand and have washed me away since it came to an end and life resumed to post lockdown life when the dam broke. The array of emotions has been so intense, the interactions with people having similar experiences only reinforcing the universal nature of this darkness. 

I don’t know when I will resume writing Rigmarole or finishing A Dance Called Dwarka. There is so much going on for me in my life that my passion has whittled away. I blog, but not as often as I once did, my reading time (another passion) feels like a chore, and a stretch too far for me at the moment. Is it a phase that will pass? No doubt, but my energy must be given to the processes at hand. Open heart, allowing the energies to flow, knowing that those that are leaving me no longer belong with me ,and welcoming the space for inspiration to return.

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